Naughty or Nice?

Dear Santa -

I apologize. Clearly, the one major item on my wish list (aside from new running socks) was a totally out-of-line request. I realize, my request landed me a spot on your NAUGHTY list. Will you accept my apology?

Seriously...who am I to wish that we would have had our new baby home by Christmas? Why was I thinking it would be more fun to hold her in my arms...rather than inside my stomach? I know - I was way off base with my wishful thinking.

If you'll let me...I'd like to revise my wish list. I think you'll agree that this list is WAY more practical and much more likely to become reality.

* I'd like to have my legs swell to the size of tree-trunks. You can even pick which kind of tree. Please just make it so that I cannot see my ankle bones. I don't like to wear shoes anyway. And I don't need to be reminded of how badly I need a pedicure.

* As long as my limbs are swelling...feel free to pass it along to my hands and face. I kind of like the looks I get being 9 months pregnant with 4 kids in tow...and no wedding ring. 

* I'd like to gain at least 45 pounds. I'm really looking forward to the challenge of losing all the weight after the New Year. There is a greater sense of accomplishment that comes from losing 45 pounds - -rather than merely 15 or 20. And since I am getting older, the challenge to lose weight is all the more daunting. I'm up for it...but in the meantime, bring on the fudge.

* I'd like to only fit into Greg's clothing. I'm rather sick of my wardrobe as it is. Granted, he is 6'3" and likes to wear XXL...but that isn't such a stretch for me to fit into these days. I'll just need to roll the sleeves a few inches.

* Please, if it's not too much to ask...let one more person say to me, "You're still here? Wow. You are huge!" I've found that comments like these go a long way towards strengthening myself self-esteem.

* Santa, I've concluded that I do some really deep thinking between the hours of 3am-5:30 am. Please, let me continue to have contractions at this time...so that I can stay awake. I might just solve all the world's problems during my hours of great concentration.

 * If I could have at least 3-5 more people tell me how low this baby is, I would appreciate it. As the person carrying her, the only way I have to gauge how low she is is based on the unbelievable pressure I constantly feel. And really, how accurate is that? (I realize you aren't a doctor, but what are the odds that a baby could actually just fall out?)

* Finally, if you could see to it that this baby is 12 pounds (or larger) that would be great. Aside from the actual delivery, I've heard bigger babies get on schedules faster -- and are generally healthier. It's kind of a fun experiment to see just how big we can grow 'em.

I could go on with my requests...but I realize I've probably asked for too much already. Please just accept that I am contrite and remorseful for asking this baby to come according to my time table. We're just really excited to have her join our family and hope it happens before next year. 

Travel safely tonight. Ohio weather looks pretty clear --  unlike the ice storm from last night. We'll be sure to leave some cookies out.

PS - Since I thought I would be presenting him with a beautiful new daughter (the most valuable of all gifts), I didn't get Greg anything. And now the malls are closed. If you could throw a gift or two his way, I'd be much obliged!